Review 2: Sunshine (.5/5)

Sunshine

Directed by Danny Boyle

Starring: Cillian Murphy, Rose Byrne, Chris Evans, Cliff Curtis, Troy Garity, Michelle Yeoh, Benedict Wong, Hiroyuki Sanada, Mark Strong, Chipo Chung

Released on April 5, 2007

Running time: 1h 47m

Rated R

Genre: Sci-fi, Thriller

When I say that the effects – which are stellar, by the way – are this movie’s only saving grace, you know you’re in for a treat.

It is the year 2057. Our sun is using up its energy too fast and is dying, causing the Earth to slowly freeze over. In a desperate mission, NASA sends a spaceship, with an 8-person crew led by a very dark, brooding, and emo Robert Capa (Cillian Murphy) and a somewhat annoying female version of HAL 9000 (Chipo Chung), the Icarus 2, to restart the sun with – get this – a cube-shaped nuclear fission bomb the size of Manhattan Island. And they plan to detonate it at – of all places – the sun’s core.

Sounds legit. Ah, who am I kidding? Even the science is wrong! Come on! If the sun is using up its energy as fast as it is, won’t it be getting increasingly hotter as opposed to cooler? Do you really think that something the size of Manhattan is really going to affect something the size of the sun? Even if it could, how could you possibly get it to the sun’s core, which is roughly twenty-seven million degrees Fahrenheit? And then, how in heaven’s name could it possibly work as quickly as it does? Never explained!

Unfortunately, we spend most of the movie dealing with our list of flat, boring, cardboard cutout characters, with the occasional bit of banter thrown in, the occasional F-bomb dropped, or the occasional BS reason to kill off one of our characters.

(No, really. At least two characters commit seppuku out of some stupid self-righteous reason. Yes, I used the word “seppuku”. One of our axed characters is Asian. And he commits seppuku by letting himself be exposed to pure sunlight for no reason!)

Eventually, the crew of the Icarus 2 finds the derelict Icarus 1 right out of nowhere. Apparently, eight years prior, the Icarus 1 was launched with the same plan as Icarus 2. Earth and Icarus 1 lost contact, and the mission was repeated with Icarus 2.

And then we learn why Icarus 1 was lost.

It turns out that the captain of Icarus 1, Pinbacker (Mark Strong), was a radical Christian whackadoo who believed that the reason that the sun was dying was that God had given up on humanity and wanted to destroy them. Pinbacker thought that it was not humanity’s place to challenge the will of God. So, Pinbacker killed the rest of the crew and cut off contact with Earth.

And this is how Sunshine portrays the stereotypical Christian.

The crew of – wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. That’s how this movie portrays Christians? How…how dare you take the most powerful force of good in the world, and then attempt to tell us that this psychopath is what every member is hiding under that transparent skin of theirs? Screw everything about you, you evil, hateful, ignorant little – shut up, me, before i go into an incredibly long-winded rant.

Okay, I’ve calmed down. Any decent religious guy like me believes that if anything, God’s will would have been for humanity to figure out a way to save themselves! And if all attempts failed, God would step in and fix the sun himself! We are God’s children! As long as one human has any good in him/herself, God will never lose faith in humanity!

Back to the…plot. If you can call it that. The crew of Icarus 2 investigate, and we learn that Pinbacker is alive somehow. He stows away in Icarus 2 and (here’s where we switch genres out of nowhere – into a slasher film) begins sabotaging the ship and killing off the crew members one by one.

Let’s see: Crazy guy? Check. Crazy backstory? Check. Stupid modus operandi of killing people? Check. Kills off everyone except the main characters? Check. BS reason for killing? Check. Never seen in focus? Check. Lighting sucks whenever he’s around? Check. Physically “different”? Check. Rarely talks? Check. And EEEEEEEEEEVIL? CHECK!

There. Every slasher villain cliche…EVER!

Pinbacker kills everyone off except the two main characters: Capa and Cassie (Rose Byrne). The three meet on the bomb itself for the final confrontation: the oh-so-kind atheists that are trying to save the world versus the eeeeeeeevil Christian that wants to see God’s will fulfilled and humanity destroyed.

Sigh.

For a movie that’s trying to stick it to Christianity and say that science and atheism reign supreme, they sure have some horribly done science to show for it!

The story has a million holes. The characters are just there to die. Hell, one of our Asian characters is given a Spanish name: Corazon. Christians are portrayed as the epitome of evil. The science is heavily flawed. The movie turns into a ragefest – for me, anyway – when we’re introduced to Pinbacker.

I hated this movie. Hated every single godforsaken minute our characters were on screen.

Oh, and here’s another big issue! Your children will see this on Netflix or wherever other source, and believe that this science is factually accurate, and that Christianity is eeeeeeeeeeevil. This makes this movie not just a bad movie, but a dangerous movie.

Oh – and I must mention this – the second half of this movie is Friday the 13th … IIIIIIIIIIIIIIN SPAAAAAAAAAAACE!

And then all that other crap that Sunshine throws at us…

But it looked nice.

Final verdict: .5 out of 5 stars (it looks REALLY NICE!)

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