Review 15: A Haunting at Silver Falls (1.5/5)

A Haunting at Silver Falls

Directed by Brett Donowho

Starring Alix Elizabeth Gitter, James Cavlo, Tara Westwood, Steve Bacic, Tadhg Kelly

Released on May 28, 2013

Running time: 1h 37m

Genre: Horror

Not Rated (Suggested rating: PG-13 for disturbing content, brief strong language, and drug use involving teens)

I had absolutely no idea that “cereal” in French was “Kellogg’s”. Yes, when I watched this film, it had French subtitles.

Our story begins with a prologue, in which a young girl runs through the woods and is killed offscreen. Well, that was quick.

We are introduced to Jordan (Alix Elizabeth Gitter), who lives with her aunt Anne (Tara Westwood) and uncle Kevin (Steve Bacic) at Silver Falls, which is…somewhere. Jordan has only recently moved there, and she already has a nerdy boyfriend, Larry (James Cavlo). Well. She doesn’t waste time. She and Larry go to a party where she finds a ring she cannot take off. … It happens. Some crap happens when the cops show up and arrest Larry, and some superfluous character named Robbie (Tadhg Kelly) gives her a ride home. But as Jordan sleeps that night, she’s visited by a g-g-g-g-ghost who – what else? – tries to take the ring off.

The next morning, Anne and Kevin brush it, and some knocked-over pictures, off, saying that maybe it was the wind. Well, these characters are going to be ball-scrapingly annoying. We learn that Jordan is a baaaaaaad girl – drugs and shoplifting dot her history. Why does she have such a history? I don’t know. Maybe it was the wind.

That night, Kevin and Anne go out on a date, and leave Jordan locked in the bathroom. The g-g-g-g-ghost shows up and tries to drown her and take the ring. However, Kevin and Anne think she’s just unstable, and that it was just the wind. So they send her to see a therapist. However, the g-g-g-g-ghost is following her everywhere.

And then through a long plod of nearly incoherent exposition and bickering, possibly caused by the wind, we learn…something. Apparently there’s two ghosts. Apparently this haunting affects all new girls for some BS reason. They all end up committing suicide. Maybe it’s the wind’s fault. We never see the actual falls. Something happens involving the father of the ghosts. And a completely predictable twist involving Anne and Kevin.

You know what I dislike about most horror movies? Everything is explained.

It felt like there was a decent story in there somewhere, but it was buried under flat characters (not counting the superfluous characters), subpar acting, lack of scares, a plodding plot, an illogical romance, a predictable twist, allegedly “good” ghosts, and an attempted but failed execution of the plot device known as the “Slow Build”. Why? Maybe it was the wind.

And, apart from two ghosts, what was the actual haunting?

It could have been so much better.

But maybe it was the wind.

Final verdict: 1.5 out of 5 stars.

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